7 Surprising Ways You Might Be Hurting Young Athletes—And How to Fix It

Let’s face it—being a parent-coach is a wild ride. You’re juggling whistles, snack schedules, rainouts, team chats, and that one kid who always forgets their cleats. And at the heart of it all? You’re trying to help kids get better—at the sport, yes—but also at life. That’s no small task.

But here’s the thing: even the most caring, dedicated coaches can accidentally do things that chip away at a kid’s confidence. Not because they mean to—but because youth athletes are still figuring out who they are. And in those formative years, the words and actions of a coach can have major impact.

This blog is here to shine a light on the seven habits that might be hurting your players more than helping—and how to shift each one into a tool for building unshakable confidence.

1. Focusing Too Much on Mistakes

Every coach wants their players to improve. But when our feedback always zooms in on what went wrong, kids can start to associate coaching with criticism.

Youth athletes, especially in the 7–14 age range, are still learning how to process feedback. If they constantly hear corrections (“move your feet,” “you missed the pass,” “don’t stand there”), they may start to think, I’m not good at this. Worse, they might stop taking risks altogether to avoid being corrected.

What to do instead:

• Balance feedback. For every correction, try offering two positive comments—even if they’re small. “Great hustle!” or “Nice job looking up!” go a long way.

• Praise the attempt. “I love that you tried that pass. Let’s talk about the angle next time.” Effort should always be celebrated—even if the result isn’t perfect.

• Use group teaching moments. Instead of calling out individuals for mistakes, pause a drill and talk to the whole group about a concept.

2. Comparing Kids (Even Subtly)

We all know it’s not great to say, “Why can’t you play like Jordan?” But even subtle comparisons—like saying, “Everyone should hustle like Ava!”—can cause damage.

Why? Because comparison triggers competition within your team. Instead of building each other up, kids start to feel like they’re falling behind or not measuring up. It breeds insecurity, not confidence.

What to do instead:

• Focus on personal growth. “You’re quicker on that dribble than you were two weeks ago!” helps a kid see their own progress.

• Highlight team success. “That play worked because you all were in sync.” Reinforce that the group thrives when everyone contributes.

• Encourage peer praise. Give kids a chance to compliment one another after practice—it builds connection and collective confidence.

3. Talking Too Much, Playing Too Little

Ever find yourself halfway through practice and realize you’ve spent 20 minutes explaining the drill? We’ve all been there.

But kids build confidence by doing, not listening. Too much talking leaves kids confused or disengaged—and often unsure of themselves when it’s finally their turn to try.

What to do instead:

• Keep it short. Give quick instructions, demonstrate, and then get reps going. Aim for explanations under 30 seconds.

• Use visual cues. Many kids are visual learners. Use cones, walk-throughs, and demonstrations to show what you mean.

• Correct on the move. Let kids play through drills, then offer quick pointers as they go. Save the breakdowns for water breaks.

4. Being Inconsistent With Feedback

One day, you’re cheering them on. The next, you’re silent. One player gets lots of attention, while another barely hears a word.

Inconsistency sends mixed signals. Kids begin to guess: Am I doing okay? Is Coach mad at me? It’s mentally exhausting—and it quietly chips away at confidence.

What to do instead:

• Be predictable with your values. If effort is what matters most to you, make that clear—and praise it every single time.

• Use routines. Start or end every practice with “shoutouts” for effort, teamwork, or improvement so kids know what’s recognized.

• Track who you speak to. Without realizing it, we sometimes talk more to the louder or more skilled kids. Make it a point to give every player one-on-one feedback each practice.

5. Only Addressing Players When They Mess Up

Imagine going to work and only hearing from your boss when you’ve made a mistake. Not exactly motivating, right?

When kids only hear from you when something’s gone wrong, they begin to associate your attention with failure. That can lead to a whole lot of trying not to mess up—which is the opposite of confident play.

What to do instead:

• Celebrate the little wins. “That was a smart pass,” “Great eye contact with your teammate,” “Nice hustle off the line.” These take 3 seconds to say, but can light a kid up for the rest of the day.

• Be visible and encouraging. A simple thumbs-up or high-five mid-drill reminds them that you see their effort.

• Mix up your cues. Don’t let coaching just become about correction. Use positive reinforcement to guide just as often.

6. Coaching With Frustration Instead of Curiosity

You explained the drill three times. Half the team still doesn’t get it. You’re tired. The sun’s hot. The balls are flat. We get it—frustration happens.

But coaching from a place of irritation tells kids, “You should already know this.” And for young athletes still developing motor skills and focus, that feels like failure.

What to do instead:

• Stay curious. Ask yourself: Why didn’t this land? Maybe the drill is too complex. Maybe you need smaller groups. Stay open to tweaking your approach.

• Watch your tone. Your delivery matters as much as your message. Use calm, instructional tones—even when kids are struggling.

• Laugh a little. When things go sideways, lean into it with humor. Show kids that mistakes are part of learning—and nothing to fear.

7. Forgetting to Let Them Have Fun

If your practice is all structure, no smiles—it’s going to show. And when kids stop having fun, confidence takes a nosedive.

Why? Because fun is where kids feel safe, joyful, and willing to try things. It’s where they let go of pressure. It’s where they learn to love the sport—not fear it.

What to do instead:

• End every practice on a high. Whether it’s a silly game, a scrimmage, or a “fun drill,” give them something to look forward to.

• Include choice. Let kids vote on a drill or warm-up once a week. Giving them ownership boosts buy-in and confidence.

• Celebrate together. Let them shout each other out, do team cheers, or have silly rituals. These are the moments that bond a group and give kids a reason to come back excited.

Final Whistle: Coaching Confidence Is a Daily Practice

You’re not just teaching kids how to throw, kick, pass, or shoot. You’re teaching them how to believe in themselves. How to recover from mistakes. How to take risks. How to show up bravely—even when they’re unsure.

The great news? None of this requires a special certification. It just takes intentionality.

• Say the kind word.

• Catch the effort.

• Let them laugh.

• Stay patient when they’re learning slow.

Because when you create an environment that builds confidence, you’re not just shaping better players—you’re shaping kids who want to keep playing. And that’s the real win.