Coaching the Bench

For many young athletes, sitting on the bench during games can be emotionally challenging. As a parent-coach, managing these emotions and ensuring that all players, whether they’re starting or not, feel valued and part of the team is a critical part of your role. Whether it's because of limited positions in a competitive team environment or simply managing playing time for a large roster, benching players can lead to feelings of disappointment, frustration, and even a loss of confidence.

The Psychological Impact of Sitting on the Bench

It’s important to understand the emotions that a child may experience when they don’t start a game or spend significant time on the bench. For young athletes, sports are often tied to their self-esteem and social identity. Sitting on the bench can make them feel undervalued or like they are not good enough. According to sports psychology research published in The Sport Psychologist, athletes who spend a lot of time on the bench can experience feelings of rejection and decreased motivation if they aren’t handled properly by coaches.

Young players may also internalize negative emotions like jealousy or frustration, especially when they see peers starting or getting more playing time. This can lead to disengagement, conflict, or an overall loss of enthusiasm for the sport. As a coach, your job is to manage these emotions proactively and foster a team environment that recognizes the contribution of every player, regardless of playing time.

Strategies for Managing Players Who Sit on the Bench

1. Open and Honest Communication

Clear communication is the foundation of managing expectations and emotions for players who sit on the bench. From the start of the season, it’s important to be transparent with your team about how playing time is distributed.

• Pre-Season Meetings: Hold a meeting with players and parents to explain your philosophy on playing time. Whether it’s based on effort, skill development, or tactical decisions, make sure everyone understands how these decisions are made.

• One-on-One Conversations: If a player is consistently sitting on the bench, have a private conversation with them to explain why. Focus on areas where they can improve and emphasize that their time on the bench doesn’t reflect their overall value to the team. Constructive feedback should be clear, supportive, and goal-oriented.

2. Set Personal Development Goals

One of the best ways to keep benched players engaged is to focus on personal development goals. This allows them to see the bench not as a permanent place, but as part of the process of growth and improvement.

• Tip: Work with each player to set specific, measurable goals that are within their control. For example, focus on improving a particular skill like passing accuracy, defensive positioning, or fitness levels. Let them know that meeting these goals can improve their chances of earning more playing time in future games.

• Emphasize Improvement: According to the Positive Coaching Alliance, creating a "mastery climate" where players focus on personal improvement rather than comparison to others can significantly boost motivation and self-esteem.

3. Keep Players Engaged During Games

Players who sit on the bench should still feel engaged in the game and the team’s success. This requires finding ways to keep them mentally and emotionally involved, even if they aren’t physically on the field or court.

• Assign Roles: Give benched players roles during games. This could be tracking statistics, watching specific opposing players, or helping to organize their teammates from the sidelines. Not only does this keep them engaged, but it also teaches them to see the game from different perspectives.

• Sideline Participation: Encourage benched players to cheer on their teammates, celebrate successes, and stay ready for when their opportunity comes. As a coach, recognize and celebrate their support and enthusiasm to reinforce that they are contributing to the team’s spirit.

4. Rotate Playing Time Where Possible

While it may not always be feasible in highly competitive settings, rotating playing time where possible ensures that all players get a chance to contribute. For younger age groups, ensuring every player gets some time on the field is critical for development and maintaining enthusiasm.

• Tip: Implement a rotation system in less crucial games, ensuring everyone gets experience in different game situations. This is particularly important for players still developing key skills.

• Development Over Winning: Especially for youth teams, focusing on skill development over winning helps to justify giving everyone a chance to play. According to the National Alliance for Youth Sports, early specialization and exclusive focus on winning can lead to burnout and early dropout from sports.

5. Build a Team-Oriented Culture

It’s essential to create a team culture where players understand that success isn’t just measured by individual playing time, but by the overall success of the group. When players see the bigger picture, they’re more likely to accept their role, whether they’re starting or sitting.

• Celebrate Team Successes: After each game, win or lose, celebrate both the individual efforts of players and the contributions of the entire team. Recognize that those sitting on the bench can be just as critical to the outcome of the game as those on the field.

• Incorporate Team Bonding Activities: Build relationships among players so that everyone feels valued, regardless of playing time. Activities like team dinners, small off-the-field challenges, or games can strengthen bonds and improve morale.

6. Teach Mental Resilience

Being benched can be an opportunity to teach young athletes about resilience and perseverance. Sitting out a game or playing fewer minutes is often part of their long-term development as athletes and individuals.

• Tip: Encourage players to adopt a growth mindset. Remind them that time on the bench is not a judgment on their abilities but rather an opportunity to learn, improve, and be ready when their time comes. Mental toughness is a critical skill for athletes of all levels.

• Use Positive Reinforcement: When players do get their opportunity to play, even if it’s brief, highlight their contributions and effort. Positive reinforcement can build their confidence and reinforce the idea that their chance will come again.

Additional Insights

Research from Sport Psychology Today highlights the importance of self-determination theory in keeping athletes engaged and motivated. This theory suggests that players need to feel competent, autonomous, and connected to their team. By keeping benched players engaged with clear goals, team roles, and personal development, you’re addressing these psychological needs and keeping players invested in the process.

Additionally, a study published in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology shows that athletes who receive positive, task-oriented feedback (as opposed to performance comparisons) are more likely to stay motivated and develop a long-term love for their sport.

Final Thoughts

Managing a youth sports team is not just about managing the players on the field—it’s about fostering a positive environment where every athlete, including those sitting on the bench, feels valued and motivated. By focusing on open communication, keeping players engaged, and emphasizing personal development and team culture, you can help all your athletes grow, no matter how much playing time they receive. Ultimately, the lessons they learn from these experiences—resilience, teamwork, and mental toughness—are far more valuable than any single game.

As a parent-coach, your role extends beyond winning and losing games; it’s about shaping the attitudes, character, and growth of every young athlete on your team.