“Daddyball” Dilemma: How to Coach Fairly and Build Trust in Youth Sports

Let’s be real—coaching your kid’s team is one of the most generous things a parent can do. It’s time-consuming, emotionally demanding, and often thankless. But when done right, it’s also one of the most rewarding ways to invest in your child’s growth and the development of an entire team.

That said, there’s one word that can derail even the most well-intentioned parent-coach: “Daddyball.”

It’s a term that gets tossed around when a coach appears to favor their own child—whether that’s giving them more playing time, the best position, or a longer leash when mistakes happen. And even if it’s unintentional, the perception of favoritism can erode trust, divide teams, and discourage young athletes.

So how do you coach your own child without falling into the “Daddyball” trap? And how can you lead a team with fairness, transparency, and integrity? Let’s dive in.

What Is “Daddyball,” and Why Does It Matter?

“Daddyball” is a slang term used to describe situations where a parent-coach gives preferential treatment to their own child. This might look like:

• Starting their child at a key position regardless of performance

• Giving them more playing time than others

• Overlooking mistakes that would bench another player

• Designing plays or drills around their strengths

While it’s easy to assume this only happens in competitive or elite settings, it’s actually more common in recreational and community leagues—where volunteer coaches are often parents.

The problem? Even the perception of favoritism can:

• Lower team morale

• Cause resentment among players and parents

• Lead to decreased effort from other kids

• Result in higher dropout rates

According to a study published in Research Quarterly for Exercise and Sport, teammates of parent-coached athletes often perceive favoritism, which can impact team dynamics and individual self-worth. ​

Why Volunteer Coaches Deserve Credit—But Also Accountability

Let’s pause for a second to acknowledge something important: volunteer parent-coaches are the backbone of youth sports. Without them, many leagues wouldn’t exist.

When you step up to coach, you’re not just helping your own child—you’re giving dozens of kids a chance to learn, grow, and have fun. That’s huge.

But with that role comes responsibility. As a coach, you’re shaping how kids view fairness, effort, and teamwork. You’re also setting the tone for how parents and players interact with the game.

That’s why it’s essential to be mindful of how your actions are perceived—even if your intentions are good.

How to Avoid Favoritism (Even If You Don’t Think You’re Showing It)

Here are some practical tips to help you coach fairly and maintain trust:

1. Set Clear, Transparent Criteria

Before the season starts, define what success looks like. Is it effort? Improvement? Teamwork? Communicate these criteria to players and parents so everyone knows what’s expected.

2. Rotate Positions and Playing Time

Especially for younger age groups, rotating players through different positions and ensuring equitable playing time can help prevent perceptions of favoritism.

3. Use Objective Metrics

When possible, use stats or measurable outcomes to make decisions. This could include attendance, hustle stats, or skill assessments.

4. Seek Feedback

Regularly check in with assistant coaches, players, and parents. Ask for honest feedback about your coaching style and decisions.

5. Separate Parent and Coach Roles

During games and practices, treat your child like any other player. Save parent-child interactions for outside the team environment.

6. Reflect Regularly

After each game or practice, take a moment to reflect. Did you treat all players fairly? Did your actions align with your stated values?

What to Do If Accusations Arise

Even with the best intentions, you might still face accusations of favoritism. Here’s how to handle them:

• Listen Without Defensiveness: Understand the concerns being raised.

• Clarify Your Decisions: Explain the rationale behind your choices using the criteria you’ve set.

• Make Adjustments if Necessary: Be willing to adapt if you recognize areas where bias may have crept in.

Final Thoughts

Coaching your child’s team is a commendable endeavor, but it comes with challenges—chief among them, avoiding favoritism. By setting clear expectations, treating all players equitably, and being open to feedback, you can create a positive environment where every child feels valued.

Note: This blog is intended to provide general guidance for volunteer parent-coaches and may not address every unique situation. Always consider the specific needs and dynamics of your team.