Helping Your Child Navigate Tryout Disappointment

Tryout season can be one of the most emotionally charged moments in a young athlete’s life. For many kids, it’s their first real encounter with rejection. They put themselves out there, gave their best effort, and waited with hope—only to find out they didn’t make the team. And as a parent, watching your child hurt, question their worth, or even lose confidence in something they love can be heart-wrenching.

This blog is here to help you through that moment. Not to give false comfort, or sugarcoat the experience, but to offer real, constructive support. Your role during this time is critical—not as a fixer, but as a guide. With the right approach, this disappointment can actually become a building block for your child’s long-term confidence, character, and growth.

Understand First, React Later

When your child tells you they didn’t make the team, your first instinct may be to immediately smooth it over. You might say something like, “That coach doesn’t know what they’re doing,” or “You didn’t even want to be on that team anyway.” But here’s the thing—your child needs space to feel. Disappointment, sadness, embarrassment, even anger—those emotions are valid. And being allowed to process them is a healthy step in developing resilience.

So start by listening. Sit with them. Let them cry. Let them vent. And when they’re ready, ask questions that open the door to reflection rather than close it with blame. Try:

• “What part of the tryout did you feel good about?”

• “What was hard for you?”

• “Is there something you’d want to work on for next time?”

This sends a powerful message: You believe in their ability to grow. You’re not making excuses—you’re helping them look forward.

Reframe the Moment

A big part of your child’s identity may be wrapped up in their sport—especially if they’ve been playing for a while. Not making a team can feel like a personal rejection, not just a missed opportunity.

This is where you, as the parent, can offer perspective.

Reassure them that this moment doesn’t define them. Share your own stories of setbacks, or better yet, stories of athletes they admire who faced rejection early on. Michael Jordan, famously, was cut from his high school varsity team as a sophomore. Steph Curry received only one Division I college offer. Reframing failure as feedback—and part of the growth journey—helps reduce shame and opens the door to self-belief.

A study published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence found that children who viewed failure as an opportunity to learn reported higher self-esteem and were more likely to persist in challenging tasks. That mindset starts with the adults around them.

Refocus on Fundamentals

After the emotions settle, it’s time to talk about what’s next. And here’s where you can help your child redirect their energy. Whether the end goal is to try again next season or simply keep improving for another team, focus on what they can control: their effort and development.

Ask them to identify 1–2 specific skills they want to improve. Then find creative ways to make that work fun—head to a local park, practice together in the driveway, or even join a clinic or recreational league where the pressure is lower but the reps are still meaningful.

If they’re interested, find a coach or trainer who can help them shore up specific areas. Sometimes just getting active again—playing pickup games, trying another sport, or just running drills with friends—can restore their love for the game and renew their confidence.

Model Positive Self-Talk

When kids are disappointed, negative self-talk often shows up: “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never make a team,” or “Why even try?”

This is your chance to model and teach positive self-talk in a real-life moment. Encourage your child to talk to themselves the way they’d talk to a teammate or a friend:

• “I didn’t make it this time, but I learned something.”

• “This doesn’t mean I’m not good—it means I have more to grow.”

• “I’ve bounced back before, and I can again.”

You don’t have to force toxic positivity. It’s okay to acknowledge that the situation is tough. But you can help your child avoid internalizing failure as a fixed identity.

Revisit Their "Why"

Sometimes, after the disappointment wears off, your child might be unsure about what they want next. This is a great time to revisit why they play the sport in the first place. Was it for fun? To be with friends? To compete? To improve?

Helping your child reconnect with their internal motivation builds stronger long-term engagement than relying on external validation (like making a certain team). You might find that they want to keep playing in a less competitive setting. Or they may decide to work harder than ever to try again. Either way, the decision comes from them—and that’s powerful.

Be Honest Without Being Harsh

There’s a delicate balance here. If your child didn’t make a team because of skill gaps, lack of focus, or effort, that doesn’t make them a bad athlete. It just means they have areas to improve. That’s true of every player—even the ones who made the team.

Being honest about this isn’t cruel—it’s respectful. But timing and tone matter. Wait until they’ve had time to process the loss. Then approach it with a constructive mindset:
“Let’s talk about where we can grow.”
“I’m proud of how you handled this, and I believe in where you’re going.”

The goal isn’t to sugarcoat—but to empower.

Final Thoughts: Tryouts Don’t Define Them

If you take anything from this blog, let it be this: Tryouts are just a snapshot. One day. One coach’s opinion. They are not the full picture of who your child is—or who they will become.

This setback can be the beginning of an incredible story. If your child learns to handle disappointment with grace, to keep showing up when things get hard, and to keep believing in themselves—those are traits that will serve them long after the season ends.

As their parent, your belief in them means more than any roster spot ever will.