Seeing the Game Through Their Eyes: A Youth Athlete’s Perspective on Coaching and Development

As adults—whether you’re a coach or a parent—it’s easy to forget that youth sports isn’t just a miniature version of the high-stakes, ultra-competitive adult sports world. It’s its own thing entirely. Kids aren’t just smaller adults. They’re learning, processing, and experiencing everything—competition, teamwork, pressure—for the first time. That’s why it’s essential to take a step back and look at youth sports through the eyes of the athlete.

Understanding what it feels like to be coached, critiqued, celebrated, or benched at 8, 10, or 12 years old gives us, as adults, a chance to lead and support them better. And when we get it right, we’re not just developing athletes—we’re building character, confidence, and a lifelong love for the game.

What It Feels Like to Be Coached as a Kid

From the moment a kid steps onto the field or court, they’re processing a flood of emotions: excitement, nerves, fear of messing up, pride, uncertainty. For many, especially those new to organized sports, the experience can be overwhelming.

Kids want to do well. They want to impress their coach. They want their parents to be proud. But they don’t always know how to get there. So when a coach yells or critiques them harshly—especially without positive reinforcement—it doesn’t come across as motivation. It feels like failure.

According to the Aspen Institute’s State of Play report, the number one reason kids say they play sports is to “have fun.” Not to win. Not to become the next big star. Just… to have fun. But when coaches (or parents) put too much emphasis on performance, skill gaps, or mistakes, the joy gets replaced by pressure.

Tip: Reframe mistakes as learning opportunities. Instead of saying “You didn’t follow the play,” try “What did you see out there? Let’s talk through it.”

Confidence is Fragile—Especially When You're Still Learning

Let’s be honest: confidence is everything in youth sports. A kid who believes in themselves will try new things, bounce back from mistakes, and grow. A kid who doubts themselves will shut down.

The kicker? Confidence in kids isn’t built through big speeches or tough love. It’s built in the small moments: the smile after a good pass, the high-five after a hustle play, the quiet nod that says “I see your effort.”

From a kid’s perspective, they often interpret silence or a lack of feedback as disappointment. A coach may think, “They know I’m proud,” but the athlete may be thinking, “Did I mess up?” Communicating—even just a quick, positive affirmation—helps reassure them that they’re on the right path.

Stat to know: Studies show that kids need a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative feedback to thrive in learning environments. That means five encouraging statements for every correction or critique.

They’re Watching More Than You Think

Kids may not always respond verbally, but make no mistake—they are watching everything. Your body language. Your tone. How you treat different players. How you react to refs. How you talk about opponents.

If you yell at a ref, they internalize that behavior. If you bench a struggling player without explanation, they notice. If you only praise the top scorer, they assume effort doesn’t matter unless it leads to stats.

From a child’s viewpoint, fairness matters. Inclusivity matters. They’re hyper-aware of the social dynamics on the team, even if they don’t have the words to describe it.

Tip: Build rituals that reinforce unity—like team huddles, shared chants, or rotating who leads warm-ups. These little moments help kids feel like they belong.

Performance Anxiety is Real (and Rising)

An increasing number of youth athletes are struggling with anxiety tied to sports performance. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, over 30% of adolescents experience some form of anxiety disorder, and competitive environments—especially when unbalanced—can exacerbate this.

Kids may not say, “I’m anxious about this game.” But you might see it in their behavior: reluctance to attend practice, tummy aches before games, tears after mistakes, or even wanting to quit entirely.

As a coach or parent, your job isn’t to eliminate pressure, but to help kids manage it. Teach them how to take deep breaths. Normalize nerves. Emphasize effort over outcome.

They Need to Feel Seen and Valued

Every kid on the team—star player or not—wants to feel like they matter. If they only get attention when they mess up or sit on the bench game after game with no feedback, they’ll start to disengage.

What we perceive as “lazy” or “unmotivated” may actually be a defense mechanism. A way for them to avoid the pain of trying and not being noticed.

Solution? Catch them doing something right. Even if it’s small. “I saw how you encouraged your teammate after that play. That’s the kind of leader we need.” These kinds of affirmations build trust and buy-in.

Tip: Try a “player of the week” program that highlights different strengths—not just athletic ones. Celebrate hustle, kindness, focus, or teamwork.

How to Keep Their Experience Positive and Productive

So, what can coaches and parents do to support their athletes from the perspective of how it feels to be them? Here’s a simple framework:

• Ask Questions, Don’t Assume: Try “How did practice feel today?” or “Was there anything that felt hard or confusing?”

• Share the Why: If you’re rotating positions or benching players more than usual, explain the strategy in simple terms. It builds trust.

• Let Them Lead: Let a player run warm-ups, design a drill, or share team goals. Give them ownership in the process.

• Build a Feedback Loop: End practice with “one thing you did well and one thing to work on.” Let them reflect instead of always directing it yourself.

• Focus on the Journey: Praise effort, not just outcomes. Make “getting better” the season-long mantra, not just “winning.”

Final Thought: Step Into Their Cleats

At the end of the day, coaching youth sports isn’t just about wins and drills—it’s about mentorship, empathy, and perspective. If we want our young athletes to grow into resilient, confident, kind, and capable people, we have to take a moment to see the game through their eyes.

They don’t need perfection from us. They need connection. They need belief. And they need the kind of adults who remember what it felt like to be a kid on the field—nervous, excited, and hopeful that someone out there sees their potential.

So let’s be those adults. Let’s coach and parent with empathy, not ego.