The Postgame Handshake: Does It Still Matter?
The postgame handshake may only last a minute, but it can teach young athletes a lot about character, respect, and handling wins and losses. This article explores how coaches and parents can make that small postgame moment more meaningful.
10/6/20266 min read
The final whistle blows, one team celebrates, the other team is disappointed, coaches start gathering equipment, parents start folding chairs, and within a few seconds somebody is yelling, “Line up!”
Then comes one of the oldest little traditions in youth sports: the postgame handshake.
Depending on the sport, it might be an actual handshake, a high-five line, a fist bump, or a quick “good game” as players pass one another. It only lasts a minute or two, and because it happens after the competition is technically over, it is easy to treat it like something we just do because we have always done it.
But I actually think there is more value in that moment than we sometimes realize.
Anybody can shake hands comfortably after winning 6–0. The real test comes after a tough loss, a questionable call, a physical game, or one of those endings where everyone is still a little heated. That is when the handshake becomes less about tradition and more about how a team handles emotion.
For coaches and parents, that moment gives us a chance to teach something simple but useful: kids can compete hard, care a lot, be disappointed, and still treat people the right way when the game is over.
That is a lesson worth keeping around.
The handshake starts before the game ends
The postgame handshake only means something if the team culture supports it before the game is over.
If a coach spends the entire game screaming at officials, complaining about opponents, or reacting like every bad call is a personal attack, it is going to be pretty hard to convince players that respect suddenly matters when the final whistle blows.
Kids notice that stuff.
They notice how coaches react when things go wrong. They notice whether adults celebrate good competition or constantly look for somebody to blame. They notice whether the coach corrects trash talk or joins in. They notice when parents spend an hour criticizing the referee and then tell their child to “show some class” afterward.
The American Academy of Pediatrics has pointed out that when young athletes see poor behavior from adults in sports, they can start to believe that sportsmanship is not actually something the adults around them value. That is why the handshake is really the last piece of a lesson that has been happening all game long.
For coaches, this does not need to become a big speech. A simple standard can do a lot: “We compete hard while the game is going on. When it is over, we leave it there.”
Now the handshake is not some awkward thing the kids are forced to do. It is just part of how the team operates.
Losing is where the lesson really shows up
Winning makes the postgame line pretty easy.
Everyone is happy. The scoreboard went your way. The kids are smiling. There is not much emotional effort required to say “good game” after that.
Losing is where it gets more interesting.
Maybe your team gave up the winning goal with 20 seconds left. Maybe an umpire made a call everybody hated. Maybe the other team celebrated a little too much. Maybe your child missed the shot, struck out, turned the ball over, or made the mistake they think cost the team the game.
Those are the moments when kids are learning how to handle disappointment.
And I do not think the answer is teaching them not to care. I actually want kids to care. If they worked hard and wanted to win, losing should bother them a little. That is part of competition.
The lesson is what they do with that frustration.
Can they be upset without taking it out on somebody else? Can they disagree with a call without blaming the entire game on the official? Can they acknowledge an opponent even when they wish they were the ones celebrating?
The NFHS continues to emphasize that coaches set the tone for sportsmanship through their own behavior toward players, opponents, and officials. For youth coaches, the postgame line is one of the simplest places to make that lesson visible.
You do not need to force kids to smile after a heartbreaking loss. You do not need to tell them they should be happy. You simply expect them to walk through the line, acknowledge the other team, and carry themselves the right way.
They can be disappointed and respectful at the same time.
That is a pretty useful skill to learn.
Coaches can make the moment feel more real
Sometimes the handshake line gets reduced to two automatic words.
“Good game.”
There is nothing wrong with that, but coaches can make the moment feel a little more genuine without turning it into some kind of ceremony.
Teach kids to look up instead of staring at the ground. Encourage a real handshake, high-five, or fist bump instead of barely touching hands while talking to a teammate. If an opponent made a great play, it is perfectly fine to say so. If two players battled hard all game, the line can be the natural place where both of them leave that competition behind.
That part matters because youth sports gets emotional. Kids bump into each other, argue over calls, get frustrated, celebrate big plays, and sometimes get under each other’s skin. The handshake gives everybody a clear ending point.
The game is over. Leave it there.
Research on youth sportsmanship has shown that the environment adults create can influence how athletes experience respect, competition, and enjoyment. The handshake itself is not magic, but small rituals like this can reinforce a larger team culture when the adults around the kids consistently back it up.
The point is not perfect manners.
The point is helping kids understand how to compete hard without carrying every emotion off the field with them.
What happens after the handshake matters too
The game may be over, but the emotional part usually is not.
A child can shake hands perfectly, walk to the car, and immediately tell you how terrible the referee was, how annoying the other team was, or how unfair the coach was.
That is where parents have another opportunity to help.
You do not have to shut down every complaint. Kids need room to be frustrated, and sometimes they just need to vent for a minute. But there is a difference between listening and helping them turn every bad outcome into somebody else’s fault.
If your child says, “That referee cost us the game,” you can acknowledge that the call was frustrating without agreeing that everything came down to one person. You might say, “Yeah, that was a tough call. What could your team still control before that?”
If they are upset with an opponent, let them talk about it, but you do not have to spend the entire drive home building a case against a 12-year-old from the other team.
Research on parent-child conversations after games has found that young athletes generally appreciate genuine positive feedback, while immediate criticism and corrective debriefing can be especially hard to hear after losses or poor performances.
That is useful context for parents.
The five minutes after the handshake probably are not the best time for a detailed game review. Sometimes the better response is simply, “Tough one. I loved watching you compete.”
Let the emotion settle first. There will be time to talk about the game later if the kid actually wants to.
The handshake says something about the team
Coaches spend a lot of time thinking about team identity.
We want teams that work hard, communicate, compete, support each other, and do not quit when things get difficult. How a team handles the final minute of a game belongs in that same conversation.
A team can win big without rubbing it in. A team can lose badly without disappearing toward the parking lot. A player can be furious about a call without refusing to acknowledge the other team afterward.
That does not mean kids need to become emotionless. Sports should have emotion. Celebrate goals. Get excited. Be disappointed. Compete hard.
But when the game ends, there has to be some kind of line between competition and everything that comes after it.
That is really what the handshake represents.
For the last hour, we were trying to beat each other. Now it is over. We acknowledge the opponent and move on.
There is something simple and healthy about that.
This is also why coaches should pay attention to how the team handles that final moment. If someone skips the line because they are angry, address it calmly later. If the team wins big, remind them not to gloat. If the game was especially tense, make it clear that the tension stays on the field.
Not because the handshake itself is sacred.
Because it tells you a little bit about how the team handles competition.
Parents model the same standard
Parents have a role in this too, and it starts long before the handshake.
It is hard to ask a child to stay composed after a loss if they just listened to a parent spend the entire game yelling at the official. Kids notice that contradiction immediately.
That does not mean parents have to agree with every call. You can think the referee missed one. You can be frustrated. You can care a lot about the result.
The standard is simply that adults should show the same emotional control we expect from kids.
If we expect young athletes to shake hands after losing, we should probably be able to walk to the parking lot without firing one last comment at the referee.
That seems like a fair deal.
The best thing parents can do is help make the handshake part of a bigger message: compete hard, handle the result, and move on.
